Monday, October 18, 2010

Vacuuming insanity

About 15 years ago, I saw a really bad standup comic on T.V. His routine went something like this:

"You know how when you're vacuuming, there will be this piece of dirt that you run over several times but the vacuum cleaner doesn't suck it up? And then you'll reach over and pick it up. But then you change your mind and put it back on the floor and run over it one more time, because that's the vacuum cleaner's job."

Hilarious right? Aside from being naturally unfunny, this little bit angered me. This guy has never done a day's vacuuming in his life, I thought to myself. You don't put the item back on the floor because it's the vacuum cleaner's job, you put the item back on the floor because otherwise you have to carry a chunk of dirt around in your hands while you finish vacuuming. Moron.

But here's where the insanity kicks in. I was vacuuming yesterday when I ran over a piece of string that the vacuum cleaner couldn't pick up. And I thought of this comedian's routine. Like I do every time I vacuum. Because there's always this one piece of dirt that the vacuum cleaner can't pick up, and that reminds me of the asshole on HBO. And now, because I've thought of it every time I've cleaned for the past 15 years, it's firmly embedded in my mind. Will I think of this terrible routine every time I vacuum for the rest of my life? How can I not think of it? Don't think of a pink elephant! If anyone has spent some time in therapy and knows of some mind control techniques to get this damn comic out of my mind, I would love to hear from you in the comments section.


Nature Nerd said...

This just cracks me up. I so wish I had some useful advice to stop your insanity. Hopefully you can take heart in the fact that it is entertaining others.

simmers said...

get wood floors and sweep instead.